Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (850)

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  (850): View more from Florida

  I mistook a propane tank for a keg.

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  (850): I mistook a propane tank for a keg. http://tfl.nu/qvlo
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  so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

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  (850): so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time". http://tfl.nu/gojq
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  He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"

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  (850): He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day" http://tfl.nu/t1df
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  hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.

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  (850): hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored. http://tfl.nu/m1fl
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  Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.

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  (850): Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me. http://tfl.nu/4nm9
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  The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.

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  (850): The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight. http://tfl.nu/6ch9
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  he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.

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  (850): he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life. http://tfl.nu/9uaw
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  I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.

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  (850): I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over. http://tfl.nu/m507
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  when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?

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  (850): when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children? http://tfl.nu/iefn
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  She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.

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  (850): She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November. http://tfl.nu/riz6
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  The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.

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  (850): The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad. http://tfl.nu/dk8u
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  Please dont jizz on my ds screen.

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  (850): Please dont jizz on my ds screen. http://tfl.nu/cm8h
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  From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.

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  (850): From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you. http://tfl.nu/tn1i
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  I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5

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  (850): I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5 http://tfl.nu/td44
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  Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?

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  (850): Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller? http://tfl.nu/lnof
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