I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.