It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.