Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (714)

Last Night in California (714)

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(714): View more from California

Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.

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(714): Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park. http://tfl.nu/ogfg

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It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.

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(714): It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs. http://tfl.nu/jalq

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(562): View more from California

I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?

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Whatever it is you failed

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(562): I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean? (714): Whatever it is you failed http://tfl.nu/fjub

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There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?

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(714): There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed? http://tfl.nu/o0fs

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He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.

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(714): He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/egoc

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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again

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(714): I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again http://tfl.nu/ze4i

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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.

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(714): I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky. http://tfl.nu/5xyb

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(712): View more from Iowa

Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

(714): View more from California

Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

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(712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj

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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.

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(714): I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom. http://tfl.nu/8p10

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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.

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(714): I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year. http://tfl.nu/qsqv

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He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick

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Ive only called 5 times

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(714): He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick (714): Ive only called 5 times http://tfl.nu/v81b

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(714): View more from California

so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)

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i'm so jealous of you right now.

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(714): so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;) (1-714): i'm so jealous of you right now. http://tfl.nu/egrq

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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.

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(714): I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time. http://tfl.nu/xqih

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When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong

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(714): When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong http://tfl.nu/jidy

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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.

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(714): It's a self-perpetuating puke chain. http://tfl.nu/kvdz

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Last Night in California (714)

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