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Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
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