It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.