Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed