Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (618)

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  (618): View more from Illinois

  how was the sex?

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  he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.

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  well, there's that.

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  (618): how was the sex? (1-618): he smelled like pickles and burnt hair. (618): well, there's that. http://tfl.nu/wrio
  Replies (22) Good night (603) Bad night (3535)
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  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

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  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
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  Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.

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  (618): Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this. http://tfl.nu/flrg
  Replies (7) Good night (1345) Bad night (3129) Order T-Shirt
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  It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.

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  (618): It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days. http://tfl.nu/kqbj
  Replies (9) Good night (1377) Bad night (3109) Order T-Shirt
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  I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?

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  (618): I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day? http://tfl.nu/kj71
  Replies (11) Good night (1183) Bad night (3055)
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  So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.

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  (618): So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate. http://tfl.nu/opcy
  Replies (9) Good night (1021) Bad night (3020) Order T-Shirt
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  I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.

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  (618): I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask. http://tfl.nu/gfxs
  Replies (12) Good night (866) Bad night (2928) Order T-Shirt
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  she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.

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  (618): she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing. http://tfl.nu/tedj
  Replies (9) Good night (817) Bad night (2630) Order T-Shirt
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  She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up

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  (618): She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up http://tfl.nu/rljs
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (2200) Order T-Shirt
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  Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.

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  Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?

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  (618): Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off. (309): Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay? http://tfl.nu/53dx
  Replies (4) Good night (1124) Bad night (2187)
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  Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.

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  (618): Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly. http://tfl.nu/ma4l
  Replies (2) Good night (1974) Bad night (1938) Order T-Shirt
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  apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.

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  (618): apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer. http://tfl.nu/ok9n
  Replies (16) Good night (4493) Bad night (1877) Order T-Shirt
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  Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.

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  (618): Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil. http://tfl.nu/vn3b
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  Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.

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  (618): Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing. http://tfl.nu/8pmo
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  Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."

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  (618): Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you." http://tfl.nu/wg5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1488) Bad night (1645)