The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.