Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (618)

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  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

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  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
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  We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.

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  (618): We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him. http://tfl.nu/xg0w
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  Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

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  (618): Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. http://tfl.nu/q2nt
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  i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer

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  (618): i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer http://tfl.nu/zm3w
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  the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux

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  (618): the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux http://tfl.nu/x72r
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  bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented

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  (618): bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented http://tfl.nu/qz6v
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  I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.

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  (618): I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed. http://tfl.nu/50l6
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  My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.

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  (618): My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has. http://tfl.nu/36lp
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  Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again

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  (618): Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again http://tfl.nu/9mpp
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  I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.

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  (618): I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments. http://tfl.nu/a8pg
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  Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake

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  (618): Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake http://tfl.nu/xsco
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  remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back

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  (618): remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back http://tfl.nu/7hrx
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  It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.

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  (618): It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me. http://tfl.nu/1449
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  You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.

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  (618): You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/feuh
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  he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.

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  (618): he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/b942
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