So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...