My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?