i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...