Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
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i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party