Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.