Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.