Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.