He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
where are you?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.