He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Banned from zoo.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours