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Last Night in Maryland (240)

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My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.

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Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?

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Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.

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(240): My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist. (1-240): Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab? (240): Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore. http://tfl.nu/3est

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I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

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(240): I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll. http://tfl.nu/r0xh

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Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.

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(240): Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea. http://tfl.nu/4ze6

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I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy

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(240): I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy http://tfl.nu/3nw9

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captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.

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(240): captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink. http://tfl.nu/r79d

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9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook

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it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.

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(240): 9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook (301): it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly. http://tfl.nu/trii

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Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating

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(240): Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating http://tfl.nu/ynhz

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No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic

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(240): No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic http://tfl.nu/pmgj

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It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother

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(240): It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother http://tfl.nu/obkn

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how did your night go?

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he asked for my myspace name.

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(240): how did your night go? (336): he asked for my myspace name. http://tfl.nu/ulv6

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I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

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OMG! Ew.

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Lucky Dad.

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(240): I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one! (301): OMG! Ew. (240): Lucky Dad. http://tfl.nu/dv3r

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Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.

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(240): Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use. http://tfl.nu/hbuk

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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.

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(240): im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself. http://tfl.nu/qkn1

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SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP

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(240): SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP http://tfl.nu/udxy

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She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.

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(240): She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text. http://tfl.nu/g6ne

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Last Night in Maryland (240)

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