I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...