I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
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masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...