Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate