I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dating After Heartbreak
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results