On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT