Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (717)

Last Night in Pennsylvania (717)

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?

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(717): I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen? http://tfl.nu/h6xb

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Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.

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(717): Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale. http://tfl.nu/0gl5

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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed

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(717): if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen? (484): i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed http://tfl.nu/7o4k

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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.

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(717): I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/33t2

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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee

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(717): dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee http://tfl.nu/bnsi

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So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?

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(717): So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards? http://tfl.nu/22rv

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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.

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(717): This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy. http://tfl.nu/qoag

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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight

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(717): I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight http://tfl.nu/6mb9

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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Twice...

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(404): Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it? (717): Twice... http://tfl.nu/e2vh

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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor

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(717): I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor http://tfl.nu/quon

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He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

10 points to you

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(717): He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture. (1-717): 10 points to you http://tfl.nu/7e2v

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Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater

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(717): Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater http://tfl.nu/z0ly

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I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.

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(717): I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it. http://tfl.nu/i1s8

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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.

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(717): I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass. http://tfl.nu/cjg7

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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

So all in all, a good night.

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(717): You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young. (1-717): So all in all, a good night. http://tfl.nu/c215

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Last Night in Pennsylvania (717)

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