How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee