All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.