Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score