I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.