Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015