I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?