Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (717)

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.

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  (717): He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes. http://tfl.nu/uq08
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...

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  (717): He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again... http://tfl.nu/wz8h
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey

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  (717): apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey http://tfl.nu/5avv
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams

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  (717): You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams http://tfl.nu/9pxu
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.

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  (717): Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts. http://tfl.nu/zklc
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.

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  (717): You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/k5p0
  Replies (6) Good night (391) Bad night (2051)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Those were the highlights of my night.

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  (717): Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves. (717): Those were the highlights of my night. http://tfl.nu/jaow
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.

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  (717): So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter? (419): That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing. http://tfl.nu/cjzf
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?

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  (717): Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear? http://tfl.nu/anmu
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Is there a law against that?

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.

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  (304): Is there a law against that? (717): Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life. http://tfl.nu/tyhd
  Replies (4) Good night (3076) Bad night (418)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?

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  (717): I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman? http://tfl.nu/8vyd
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break

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  (717): Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break http://tfl.nu/zc4l
  Replies (4) Good night (1629) Bad night (416)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase

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  (717): You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase http://tfl.nu/khjs
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?

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  (717): Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking? http://tfl.nu/e79x
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