turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
