Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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