Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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