I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I could make wine with my vomit
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
