There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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