People in love make me want to vomit
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
