i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
even my farts smell like vagina
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
