Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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