I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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