she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
