Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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