You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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