College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
