How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
