Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
