New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
