this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
