Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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