i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
