Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
