I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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