I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
