if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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