after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
