As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
