you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
