We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
