i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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