I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
