i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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