Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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