I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize