Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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