Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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