My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
